Not long into my life as a freshly converted lesbian did I realise things move FAST. SUPERMAN FAST (yes, that’s an obscure Movie World reference for the Gold Coast readers out there). Within a year of my first lesbian relationship, boxes were packed, the L-word was dropped, and for our 6-month anniversary (yes, that’s a celebration in the lesbian world), I spoiled her with a romantic hot air balloon ride. Meanwhile, in my previous life as a ~straight~, I was lucky if I’d get a box of roses and a high-five.
So why do girls move so fast? It’s no secret that the emotional depth is a lot stronger and things are communicated quicker and deeper than ever. Yet, there is a fine line between being healthily infatuated with each other, and Love Bombing and ignoring your own boundaries.
For those who aren’t up-to-date with the 2022 woke psychoanalysis vocab that’s circling, Love Bombing is defined as the action or practice of lavishing someone with attention or affection, especially to influence or manipulate them.
I’ll admit that I’ve done the U-Haul thing. And to be honest, I don’t regret any of it. Although I definitely got lost along the way and became very dependent that I ignored my own needs and values.
IT’S SO HARD THOUGH – WOMEN ARE SO HOT!! IT’S ANNOYING HAVING TO ORGANISE MEALS IN SEPARATE HOUSES!! IT’S COST EFFECTIVE!! WE SAVE ON THE WATER BILL!!
SO HOW CAN YOU TELL IF IT’S HEALTHY…OR MANIPULATIVE?
The healthy ones will be very open to communication and regularly check in with you on all accounts. If you vocalise that you don’t want something or aren’t ready, and your spouse ignores it, that’s usually a tell-tale sign that you are on the manipulation train. This can be as subtle as saying you want to go to the gym and your partner debating an alternative suggestion that would more likely include them. A healthy partner would encourage you to continue to do the things you love, or see the importance of the things you enjoy, without trying to change it for you.
So Lesbian’s, let’s try the take it slow thing and U-Haul the U-Haul stereotype. Maybe we try bringing the trailer at least TEN dates in?! It’s a foreign concept for me too, don’t worry. Here’s what the internet recommends we should do to take it slow (yes, I did have to google it because they don’t tell you this in Lesbian school):
1. Try hanging out only once or twice a week to allow yourself to miss them and still have your routine.
Sticking to your own routine and values are so important. Take time to write a list of what you love doing by yourself and things that make you happy. Once you have this list, schedule time into your week for these things and don’t be tempted to cancel them for cute cuddles with bae. You can still do some of the things you love with your partner, just make sure it’s not all the time.
It’s worth even having a healthy discussion at the start of your relationship to share what’s important to you and what you’d like to do independently. That way they’re aware of what you need and if they push your boundaries, I will personally deliver the red flag to your mailbox with the next edition of A Modern Gays Guide.
2. Keep your friendship circle and your girlfriend circle separate.
It’s all well and good for your new partner to meet your friends here and there, but make sure it’s not all the time. This will naturally give you time apart in the long run and if you do happen to break up, it saves the extreme messiness of your friends having to pick a side. Try and organise it just like those straight folks do because no one likes that girl that brings their boyfriend to every event. Even though gals are sooo much better and #bestieessss, chances are your friends probably want some quality one-on-one time with just you too (not just hearing about how many pets you two are going to adopt together).
3. Keep going on dates, even when the comfy stage starts to kick in.
It’s a lot cheaper and easier to just have a cheeky wine and binge a Netflix series, but if you keep making plans outside the house, this means you won’t naturally be tempted to “stay another night” or “one more episode won’t hurt”…. 6 days later and 24 Uber Eats receipts later.
YOU GOT THIS LESBIAN FAM. We already face enough discrimination as it is, let’s not add overly zealous, dependent, clingy relationships to the mix. It’s time to u-haul this u-haul stereotype.
Note: before you even get to this stage, you need to figure out whether or not she’s even gay, right? Lucky for you, we’ve got you covered in that department.
